Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
