these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
