I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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