you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you never un-have a 4some
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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