bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
