New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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