Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
