I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
