you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
