TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
