it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
