Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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