not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
