No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
