she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
