I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
