I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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