Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
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This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
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The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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