uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
