DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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