awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize