my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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