So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
