soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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