At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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