doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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