So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
