i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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