Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
