I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
