he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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