I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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