well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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