i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
