I cockslap morals
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
