today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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