Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
