I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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