Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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