i already hear my dad disowning me
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
