Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He? As in you personified your dick?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
