I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
