He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
