How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
