apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
