Soap is not a condiment
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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