I wanna bring you to show and tell
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
