i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
