First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just found a bag of teeth...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
