The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
