I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
