I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
