does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
