the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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