All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
