and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
