did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do you remember whose house we're in?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
