wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
