"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
