I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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