I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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