my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
