Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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