Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
two words: eviction party
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
