I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can't put those talents on a resume
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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