Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize