If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize