So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
