Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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