I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
